Today was a rough day… it’s Sunday, which marks the end of my first week onboard. For the most part it’s been great, a whirlwind, but great nonetheless…meeting new people, trying to settle into a routine, trying to find time to work out & stay sane, missing home, family & friends, learning a new job etc etc etc. Tonight was weird, I finished working around 11 and had plans to try & get online to email a few people and call Erin. We are at sea, so the internet was moving at a snails pace and the phone had no hope… I became so agitated not being able to contact people that I just burst out in tears (literally)! It was quite embarrassing seeing as I was in the crew lounge area…but I couldn’t help it. Eventually I got in contact with Erin, and as he always does…he helped to calm me down by making me laugh so hard that I was half crying/ half laughing (you know, like a baby does) lol …later that night I realized that while traveling, seeing new places and meeting new people is awesome, it can never replace what I call “my people”. I was trying to figure out how I could be so upset… I have this great opportunity, the people on the ship are extremely welcoming & nice, but as of now…they’re just not “my people”…they’re nice, but they don’t know ME. They don’t know the weird, crazy Alana that sings to herself and starts to laugh hysterically when she’s really tired, or the love I have for children, my peculiar somewhat moody personality, my forgetfulness or my outstanding ability to lose passports ;)
They just don’t know…and at the end of these long days, I just want to tell one of my people about everything that’s happening, all that I’m learning, the mistakes I’m making…I want to be selfish and complain sometimes, laugh, cry, I want to know how my people are doing, are you struggling, are you happy, are you moving forward? So…I say all that to say, I’ve realized something about myself…I am not the world traveler, who can live anywhere, any place any time and just settle in on my own. And you know…it’s funny, because I am very much an independent, self entertainer type of person who needs my “me” time often (Anna & Erin know this well ;) BUT I LOVE my people…all of YOU, because if you’re reading this, you are definitely one of my people, in some capacity. So I say thank you…for being such great friends, teachers, coaches, mentors & family members for me to miss you this much!
After I had this “revelation” about myself and the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve experienced thus far…I lay in bed thinking “how can I make the most out of this experience?” “is it possible that when I leave I will feel the same way about some of the people here as I do about you all?”… I told myself, of course, and along with these people, I was going to embrace this traveling experience, squeeze it dry, you know-like they describe to you in those books about women who travel the world for soul searching and stuff. In a sense…I have that opportunity! Not only am I here to figure out what the heck I want to do with my life career wise, but I’m sure I can find a little more soul along the way as well ;) So, the very next day…that’s what I did J
Ahhhh here we go!
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