How are you?? Really...

HOW ARE YOU?

How are you? This is a question asked millions of times a day, all over the world in countless different languages and forms and a lot of the time, it doesn’t even receive an answer. Have you ever seen someone you know, but not well enough to stop and have a conversation and had a conversation that went something like this:

You: Hey!

Them: Hi! How are you?

You: I’m good, how are you?

Them: they smile…and kind of nod, and keep walking past

Yeah, don’t lie, you know that happens to you at least once a day! (just pay attention tomorrow if you still don’t agree) Well I thought of this saying today, and for some reason, it really struck a cord. We rush through this life, day in and day out, year in and year out for some of us, never stopping to really think about this question-How are YOU doing? Forget about the rest of the world-but in order to give your best to those around you, you must first understand how you are doing, and unless you get to that point, I don’t think you can really begin to truly care how others are doing. I sometimes find myself so wrapped up in what I am going through, that I can’t even begin to empathize with what others may be dealing with-even those that I see everyday.

However, I’ve also noticed that when I do take the time to really ask and try to understand how someone else is doing, it often helps me put how I am doing into perspective-and more often than not, I realize that I’m overreacting, or I at least realize that I’m not the only one.  

Rule # ONE: You’re NEVER the only one.

Not sure where this is going…but for those who may be reading, and for the even braver ones who have decided to start their journal-I want you to take a moment, and write down how you are doing. This doesn’t have to be in the form of an eloquent story or even longer than one line, just write-whatever you are feeling at the moment or have been for the past few days write it down!

Here’s mine:

How are you Alana?

I am fine. No I’m not, I’m sad sometimes, and happy at others. I am thankful. I am strong. I am resilient. I am emotional. I am crying. I am laughing. I’m swimming, I’m thinking. I’m doubting, I’m believing. I’m scared, I’m lonely. I’m loved. I love. I want to be loved. I am loving myself. I’m watching. I’m observing. I’m reading. I’m trying to understand. I understand, I don’t understand. I will get there. How are you? I am insecure. I am beautiful. I am caring. I am selfish. I am kind. I am thoughtful. I am true. I am bold. I am ME.

That felt good! Try it… it’s kind of empowering. The thing is…if you don’t even know how you are, how can you care how I am, or how anybody else is? And it’s so stupid because everyone walks around saying “I’m good, how are you?” when most of the time, they are NOT good, and they are NOT listening to how you are.

So this is my challenge to you, try to start your week with doing the exercise above, and then try to spend your week really listening to how others are doing. Reach out to a friend who you know is struggling and ask how they are doing-really doing. Share a few moments…and you’ll probably both realize that you’re both having a little bit of a stressful day, or week-and chances are, you’ll feel a little better, just knowing that you’re not the only one.