How are you?? Really...

HOW ARE YOU?

How are you? This is a question asked millions of times a day, all over the world in countless different languages and forms and a lot of the time, it doesn’t even receive an answer. Have you ever seen someone you know, but not well enough to stop and have a conversation and had a conversation that went something like this:

You: Hey!

Them: Hi! How are you?

You: I’m good, how are you?

Them: they smile…and kind of nod, and keep walking past

Yeah, don’t lie, you know that happens to you at least once a day! (just pay attention tomorrow if you still don’t agree) Well I thought of this saying today, and for some reason, it really struck a cord. We rush through this life, day in and day out, year in and year out for some of us, never stopping to really think about this question-How are YOU doing? Forget about the rest of the world-but in order to give your best to those around you, you must first understand how you are doing, and unless you get to that point, I don’t think you can really begin to truly care how others are doing. I sometimes find myself so wrapped up in what I am going through, that I can’t even begin to empathize with what others may be dealing with-even those that I see everyday.

However, I’ve also noticed that when I do take the time to really ask and try to understand how someone else is doing, it often helps me put how I am doing into perspective-and more often than not, I realize that I’m overreacting, or I at least realize that I’m not the only one.  

Rule # ONE: You’re NEVER the only one.

Not sure where this is going…but for those who may be reading, and for the even braver ones who have decided to start their journal-I want you to take a moment, and write down how you are doing. This doesn’t have to be in the form of an eloquent story or even longer than one line, just write-whatever you are feeling at the moment or have been for the past few days write it down!

Here’s mine:

How are you Alana?

I am fine. No I’m not, I’m sad sometimes, and happy at others. I am thankful. I am strong. I am resilient. I am emotional. I am crying. I am laughing. I’m swimming, I’m thinking. I’m doubting, I’m believing. I’m scared, I’m lonely. I’m loved. I love. I want to be loved. I am loving myself. I’m watching. I’m observing. I’m reading. I’m trying to understand. I understand, I don’t understand. I will get there. How are you? I am insecure. I am beautiful. I am caring. I am selfish. I am kind. I am thoughtful. I am true. I am bold. I am ME.

That felt good! Try it… it’s kind of empowering. The thing is…if you don’t even know how you are, how can you care how I am, or how anybody else is? And it’s so stupid because everyone walks around saying “I’m good, how are you?” when most of the time, they are NOT good, and they are NOT listening to how you are.

So this is my challenge to you, try to start your week with doing the exercise above, and then try to spend your week really listening to how others are doing. Reach out to a friend who you know is struggling and ask how they are doing-really doing. Share a few moments…and you’ll probably both realize that you’re both having a little bit of a stressful day, or week-and chances are, you’ll feel a little better, just knowing that you’re not the only one. 

“I do not write to be understood, I write to understand”

Why I love scrapbooking & think EVERYONE should do it! 

Yes…I’m that girl. I’ve kept a running log of my life pretty much since I could read & write. And yes, I’m that girl-I’ve kept ALL of my old journals, scrap books and many notes, cards and letters that have been given to me along the way.

Oh and when I say scrap books-I don’t mean a pretty book with pictures and cute comments next to them, I mean a book with all of your ‘scraps’-the leftovers from your mind that you just had to get out there: that’s what I mean by SCRAP Book.

But getting back to the point, why I love scrapbooks and why I think EVERYONE should keep one. Over the past few days I have been reading back through the ones I have here with me in Auburn, dating back to about 2004-Isn’t it weird that that is almost ten years ago now! I still think of the 1999 as a ‘few’ years ago! And I know I’m not the only one!

Like I said in one of my previous blog posts “feeling like you’ve grown is one thing…but knowing the things you’ve conquered is another”-well, that’s my point. Reading through my old books was not only extremely entertaining, but very encouraging as well. As humans I think we have the tendency to always focus on the negative in things and take the always/never stance that is so easy to use (this was once pointed out to me by a very good friend of mine). But it’s true…how many of you can imagine yourself saying these things…

"I’m NEVER going to get this done!"

"Why does this ALWAYS happen to ME!?"

I’m sure some of you are nodding, if not, then I’m okay with being the crazy one. That being said, I too am guilty of these sorts of responses to adversity, taking the always/never stance just seems easy-and in all honesty, it’s a easy for you to feel better about feeling bad. Isn’t that weird? We feel sad, depressed, heart-broken, upset, pissed off and instead of trying to make ourselves feel better, we actually do the opposite and make ourselves feel worse with these thoughts & sayings. How many of you have watched a love story the week after you and your significant other broke up? Or listened to the song that makes you sad over & over & over again..until you feel like it was written for you LOL

I mean, that’s kind of ridiculous, if you think about it-or better yet, if you keep some sort of written record, and read back on it. I’m not going to bore you, or rather embarrass myself with the details of my life records, but I’m just telling you that you will be amazed at what you’ve overcome and even more amazed at how you’ve probably conquered something similar to what you may be struggling with right now, but just in a different form, or with a different person or experience. I read a quote I stuck in my art journal back in 2005 that reads;

“I do not write to be understood, I write to understand”

That is exactly what I’m talking about-and one of the reasons this blog is becoming quite therapeutic for me. It doesn’t have to be about anyone else but YOU, yes-you have permission to be selfish!

You may be thinking “but I hate journaling, I’ve tried it before”. I used to have trouble keeping journals because I always hated JUST writing. I hated those little books with lined pages, I felt they were restricting my thoughts. What if I didn’t want to write on line, what if I wanted to write in a circle?  I remember when I was younger I would get a journal for Christmas and tell myself I was going to write in it everyday! Well-that’s simply impossible, at least for me. After I gave up that idea, I tried to write every so often, but I just wasn’t that inspired UNTIL I discovered the blank paged book! This was perfect for me! I could write, but I could also draw, paint, stick magazine words, stories or quotes in there. I had space for pictures if I wanted, old cards, letters & emails. You don’t understand how excited this stuff makes me. It became my ‘everything’ book. So now I don’t just have to sit with pen and paper and write I can use markers, and crayons, paint and chalk, colour penils, nail polish, wax-you name it, I’ve done it! The important thing for me was not feeling restricted in the way I wanted to tell my story.

CHALLENGE FOR THE READER

So-this is my challenge for you, if you haven’t done it already. Man or woman, boy or girl, start your first journal…or revamp something you may have started sometime ago. Be creative and I mean CREATIVE, don’t give yourself limits, and don’t try to make it ‘pretty’, just let it be what it is…and the next time your feeling sad, frustrated, happy, overjoyed and simply stressed-open it, maybe with a few magazines, glue and scissors & just see what comes to you (maybe nothing-because that can happen sometimes too) but trust me, at some point, something will come and it will probably do more good than not.

I know you may be thinking-I’m not that creative, this isn’t my thing, but I’m telling YOU, that everyone is creative and everyone certainly has thoughts and questions about life, and even if you only add things to it every once and a while, that will be more than you started with and you’ll be amazed to look back on how much you’ve grown, and how much your world has changed…and if nothing else, I can guarantee it will make you laugh.

Here’s a little peek at a few old pages from my journals, hopefully this will inspire you to start your own record keeping! Enjoy J

Anything goes 

 I told you they were "scrappy" 

 Life Questions...lots of them!

 Fall Forward 

 Thinking Space...

This one is great-a sure reminder of how much I've accomplished during my swimming career, and how many great friends and support I've had along the way! 

 A little painting...hand tracing, doodling...writing 

One of my favorite quotes below: 

Soul Mates?

I always found it funny when I heard the phrase ‘soul mates’, I mean what is that? (If you have the answer, please feel free to comment! Again-this is my opinion, not wrong or right, just mine)

There is no human way possible that one person in the world can provide everything for you to make you feel ‘complete’ (if that’s even possible, which is another discussion all together) It’s like the term ‘best friend’ or ‘bff’ as they now term it on the world wide web. So if you call someone your best friend that means that all your other friends are 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th and 50^th best, I’m not sure why we try to use this hierarchy to rank those closest to us, it seems a little dumb to me.

Just think about it, for those of you who may be married or in a committed relationship, how many times do you feel like your partner just doesn’t get it, or isn’t what you need at a certain moment in time? It’s not that you don’t love them, or have a perfectly functioning and loving relationship, it’s just that they can’t be your husband/wife, only friend, mother, father, brother, sister and daughter! It’s humanely IMPOSSIBLE. And because they can’t be all these people, they have no way of providing all the facets that make up you as a person.

What I mean is… I feel that our environment (tv shows, reality shows showing the ‘happily ever after’) are drilling it into our heads that we will one day find our ‘everything’, when in reality, NO ONE can be your everything.

I find so much joy from so many different types of people, and people at different stages in their lives. For a while there, I was going along the road of ‘one true soul mate’, when in fact, those types of relationships bring out the worst in me. For example, the other day I went to the movies with two 13 year old girls, it was one of the most satisfying and fun Friday nights I’ve had in a long time! For those few hours, I felt like they were my ‘soul mates’, they shared stories about their school and the ‘drama’ from their lives, while I just listened, laughed and shared the little wisdom I had from my teenager days. It was amazing because I forgot what it was like to be that age, and it was a reminder of how I had grown so much since that time. Without that movie night, I would never have been able to get to that place, to pat myself on the back for accomplishing the things I have since I was 13. I’d like to think that I shared a bit of joy with them as well, a bit of support they may not get everywhere else. You get my drift? All I’m saying is that I’m realizing that I’m the type of person that feeds off others peoples joys & triumphs. And to me-that’s what makes up your SOUL. So…it is going to be my first assignment, to spend the next month involving myself with people & things that I normally wouldn’t, just to see what happens J I have a feeling that its gonna be good-or maybe even GREAT!

Live YOUR Best Life

I have a little extra time to work on ‘me’ right now… I’m not going to post about why I have this extra time, because that’s irrelevant. I think it’s funny when people tell you that you need to “know” yourself before you can ever have a successful relationship with a significant other. I mean, maybe it’s just me-but as long as I’ve known Alana Kathryn Dillette, she is always changing! Yes, I have things about me that remain challenging for me as a person, or things about my personality that stay the same, but I’m forever changing my perception on things, my outlook on life, my fashion sense LOL- I mean, if you think you’re going to one day just wake up and say “Today is the day, I finally KNOW who I am!”, I, personally (and don’t take my opinion too seriously), but I think that’s crazy! I love the fact that life is a continuous journey, forever changing and throwing rocks down your smoothly paved road. Yes, it makes things a little more difficult than planned sometimes, but so much more of a story in the end!

I’ve come to realize that life isn’t just going to one day-all of a sudden, ‘make sense’, in fact, it may never make sense.

This realization has been quite shocking to me, because when I was 13, I would have sworn that 25 was going to be my age of clarity, that I would be married & ‘living happily ever after’ (whatever that means), imagine that! I know you are all thinking of when you were 13 now, and how you used to play M.A.S.H with your friends during class at school to decide what your life would be like (what was it? Mansion, apartment, shack or house LMAO). Or your first ‘love’, and how much it broke your heart when it ended, and then ended again, and again-for however many times it took for you to realize the guy (or girl-let’s not be gender biased here) was an idiot. So now that I finally know this, I’m on a life long mission to embrace these changes and on a continual quest to find a way, everyday to ‘live my best life’ as Oprah (or her writers) would say.

I’m not exactly sure how this is going to work quite yet. I don’t really think there is a method to the madness. But I do plan to share with you some of the things I use to channel my thoughts & energy, whether they’ve failed or not, with the hope that you may also share yours, or just get a laugh from reading. 

Just a little trip down memory lane...