the Freakin NEVER ENDING TO DO LIST!

QUESTION to my faithful blog followers... or rather just anyone & everyone who happens to read this post.

What are some USEFUL strategies you use when you are feeling extremely overwhelmed with your "TO DO" list for life??

I sometimes have a lot of trouble with this and end up over reacting or breaking down when I could have prevented it!

Comments welcomed and very much appreciated :)

So much bigger than the gold

I’ve battled with the idea of talking about my swimming career on this blog for a long time now, thinking of the pros and cons of sharing; for myself, and for others. To tackle this fear, I’ve done a lot of thinking, reading, talking and most importantly listening to those in my life whom I look up to, and to those who have accomplished things I hope to accomplish one day (in the water & out). By doing this, I’ve noticed one reoccurring theme-we ALL struggle.

This is something that has helped me a lot lately- realizing, understanding and absorbing the struggles of everyday life-because that’s all it is-LIFE. Have you ever heard the saying “don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill?” Well that was me, pretty much all the time, about everything! Yes, I’ll admit it, I was that person who made everything a ‘thing’. I didn’t realize it when I did it, (no one ever does), but I was much more negatively minded that positively. Don’t get me wrong…this blog post is not going to be about how to make all your thoughts positive (because I am still of the belief that that is humanely impossible~but I’ve been proven wrong before), but rather about ‘absorbing’ the struggles and not reacting to them.

One thing I want to note is that struggle is a form of being that we should all start to become more comfortable with. I know this may be hard to come to grips with, because every inch of our man made environment tries to convince us otherwise (diet pills, plastic surgery, the ‘shake’ weight, “How to lose weight without exercising or eating healthier” (I’m pretty sure that someone is going write a book with that title soon) but that is not life-that is commercial TV advertising, and it stops there. Life is a struggle, day in and day out, it’s not easy and it never becomes ‘just right’. This is what I’ve had to learn through my swimming.

I’ve had numerous moments when I wanted to quit swimming (I know-shocking right? LOL), luckily for me, I’ve never allowed myself to get to that point because there was always something inside, holding me back, something telling me that I wasn’t finished just yet. I kept on. I wanted to quit again. I kept going. And again-and I kept going. And so here I am today, still going.

It took me a while, but finally after all the thinking, reading, talking & listening, I figured out what that ‘thing’ was. And guess what-It’s all of YOU.

It was said to me once that

“If you’re mission is bigger than the ‘gold’, you can’t not get the gold. The ‘gold’ is ON the way, not IN the way.”

Let me explain…

I spent years swimming every single race thinking about myself, and only myself. I would think about a specific goal time or place that I wanted to hit, or a person that I wanted to please. I thought that if I didn’t keep these things at the forefront of my mind, that I would fail. Funnily enough, I always swam my fastest when I didn’t think about these things (so I’m not quite sure why it’s taken me so long to get here-but hey, I’m just thankful). After ‘failing’ at so many races, I started to question my swimming, why I was doing it, and why I wasn’t getting any faster (this was me reacting to my struggle, rather than absorbing it). I knew it wasn’t physical, because it wasn’t showing up in practice-but only in a race. I thought about these things so much that I lost sight of the real joys of the sport and how much I had already gained from doing it. Then it hit me… that extremely hot day in Madagascar when I went for a dip in the ocean (refer to blog post “A little piece of heaven” if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Long story short, I realized that my love for swimming was not for fast times or gold medals, but for the amount of people I could reach in a positive way through the skills I’ve gained from the sport. I then thought about all the ‘material’ joys I had experienced throughout my swimming career, and what it was that brought me so much happiness from these achievements-and it all came down to YOU.

YOU-the child who learned how to swim under my watch

YOU-the children who will go to the Olympics and win medals for The Bahamas

YOU-the multiple Bahamian children who have attended and will attend University on a swimming scholarship

YOU-The Bahamian public who now semi-follow swimming

YOU-the child that has and will break all of my swimming records

You see, it isn’t about me at all, but about the small difference I may make in the youth of my beloved Bahamaland and the world.

It is about absorbing the struggle, to reach a place that will touch not only myself, but others as well. And believe it or not, that tiny, minute difference it SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE GOLD.

How are you?? Really...

HOW ARE YOU?

How are you? This is a question asked millions of times a day, all over the world in countless different languages and forms and a lot of the time, it doesn’t even receive an answer. Have you ever seen someone you know, but not well enough to stop and have a conversation and had a conversation that went something like this:

You: Hey!

Them: Hi! How are you?

You: I’m good, how are you?

Them: they smile…and kind of nod, and keep walking past

Yeah, don’t lie, you know that happens to you at least once a day! (just pay attention tomorrow if you still don’t agree) Well I thought of this saying today, and for some reason, it really struck a cord. We rush through this life, day in and day out, year in and year out for some of us, never stopping to really think about this question-How are YOU doing? Forget about the rest of the world-but in order to give your best to those around you, you must first understand how you are doing, and unless you get to that point, I don’t think you can really begin to truly care how others are doing. I sometimes find myself so wrapped up in what I am going through, that I can’t even begin to empathize with what others may be dealing with-even those that I see everyday.

However, I’ve also noticed that when I do take the time to really ask and try to understand how someone else is doing, it often helps me put how I am doing into perspective-and more often than not, I realize that I’m overreacting, or I at least realize that I’m not the only one.  

Rule # ONE: You’re NEVER the only one.

Not sure where this is going…but for those who may be reading, and for the even braver ones who have decided to start their journal-I want you to take a moment, and write down how you are doing. This doesn’t have to be in the form of an eloquent story or even longer than one line, just write-whatever you are feeling at the moment or have been for the past few days write it down!

Here’s mine:

How are you Alana?

I am fine. No I’m not, I’m sad sometimes, and happy at others. I am thankful. I am strong. I am resilient. I am emotional. I am crying. I am laughing. I’m swimming, I’m thinking. I’m doubting, I’m believing. I’m scared, I’m lonely. I’m loved. I love. I want to be loved. I am loving myself. I’m watching. I’m observing. I’m reading. I’m trying to understand. I understand, I don’t understand. I will get there. How are you? I am insecure. I am beautiful. I am caring. I am selfish. I am kind. I am thoughtful. I am true. I am bold. I am ME.

That felt good! Try it… it’s kind of empowering. The thing is…if you don’t even know how you are, how can you care how I am, or how anybody else is? And it’s so stupid because everyone walks around saying “I’m good, how are you?” when most of the time, they are NOT good, and they are NOT listening to how you are.

So this is my challenge to you, try to start your week with doing the exercise above, and then try to spend your week really listening to how others are doing. Reach out to a friend who you know is struggling and ask how they are doing-really doing. Share a few moments…and you’ll probably both realize that you’re both having a little bit of a stressful day, or week-and chances are, you’ll feel a little better, just knowing that you’re not the only one. 

“I do not write to be understood, I write to understand”

Why I love scrapbooking & think EVERYONE should do it! 

Yes…I’m that girl. I’ve kept a running log of my life pretty much since I could read & write. And yes, I’m that girl-I’ve kept ALL of my old journals, scrap books and many notes, cards and letters that have been given to me along the way.

Oh and when I say scrap books-I don’t mean a pretty book with pictures and cute comments next to them, I mean a book with all of your ‘scraps’-the leftovers from your mind that you just had to get out there: that’s what I mean by SCRAP Book.

But getting back to the point, why I love scrapbooks and why I think EVERYONE should keep one. Over the past few days I have been reading back through the ones I have here with me in Auburn, dating back to about 2004-Isn’t it weird that that is almost ten years ago now! I still think of the 1999 as a ‘few’ years ago! And I know I’m not the only one!

Like I said in one of my previous blog posts “feeling like you’ve grown is one thing…but knowing the things you’ve conquered is another”-well, that’s my point. Reading through my old books was not only extremely entertaining, but very encouraging as well. As humans I think we have the tendency to always focus on the negative in things and take the always/never stance that is so easy to use (this was once pointed out to me by a very good friend of mine). But it’s true…how many of you can imagine yourself saying these things…

"I’m NEVER going to get this done!"

"Why does this ALWAYS happen to ME!?"

I’m sure some of you are nodding, if not, then I’m okay with being the crazy one. That being said, I too am guilty of these sorts of responses to adversity, taking the always/never stance just seems easy-and in all honesty, it’s a easy for you to feel better about feeling bad. Isn’t that weird? We feel sad, depressed, heart-broken, upset, pissed off and instead of trying to make ourselves feel better, we actually do the opposite and make ourselves feel worse with these thoughts & sayings. How many of you have watched a love story the week after you and your significant other broke up? Or listened to the song that makes you sad over & over & over again..until you feel like it was written for you LOL

I mean, that’s kind of ridiculous, if you think about it-or better yet, if you keep some sort of written record, and read back on it. I’m not going to bore you, or rather embarrass myself with the details of my life records, but I’m just telling you that you will be amazed at what you’ve overcome and even more amazed at how you’ve probably conquered something similar to what you may be struggling with right now, but just in a different form, or with a different person or experience. I read a quote I stuck in my art journal back in 2005 that reads;

“I do not write to be understood, I write to understand”

That is exactly what I’m talking about-and one of the reasons this blog is becoming quite therapeutic for me. It doesn’t have to be about anyone else but YOU, yes-you have permission to be selfish!

You may be thinking “but I hate journaling, I’ve tried it before”. I used to have trouble keeping journals because I always hated JUST writing. I hated those little books with lined pages, I felt they were restricting my thoughts. What if I didn’t want to write on line, what if I wanted to write in a circle?  I remember when I was younger I would get a journal for Christmas and tell myself I was going to write in it everyday! Well-that’s simply impossible, at least for me. After I gave up that idea, I tried to write every so often, but I just wasn’t that inspired UNTIL I discovered the blank paged book! This was perfect for me! I could write, but I could also draw, paint, stick magazine words, stories or quotes in there. I had space for pictures if I wanted, old cards, letters & emails. You don’t understand how excited this stuff makes me. It became my ‘everything’ book. So now I don’t just have to sit with pen and paper and write I can use markers, and crayons, paint and chalk, colour penils, nail polish, wax-you name it, I’ve done it! The important thing for me was not feeling restricted in the way I wanted to tell my story.

CHALLENGE FOR THE READER

So-this is my challenge for you, if you haven’t done it already. Man or woman, boy or girl, start your first journal…or revamp something you may have started sometime ago. Be creative and I mean CREATIVE, don’t give yourself limits, and don’t try to make it ‘pretty’, just let it be what it is…and the next time your feeling sad, frustrated, happy, overjoyed and simply stressed-open it, maybe with a few magazines, glue and scissors & just see what comes to you (maybe nothing-because that can happen sometimes too) but trust me, at some point, something will come and it will probably do more good than not.

I know you may be thinking-I’m not that creative, this isn’t my thing, but I’m telling YOU, that everyone is creative and everyone certainly has thoughts and questions about life, and even if you only add things to it every once and a while, that will be more than you started with and you’ll be amazed to look back on how much you’ve grown, and how much your world has changed…and if nothing else, I can guarantee it will make you laugh.

Here’s a little peek at a few old pages from my journals, hopefully this will inspire you to start your own record keeping! Enjoy J

Anything goes 

 I told you they were "scrappy" 

 Life Questions...lots of them!

 Fall Forward 

 Thinking Space...

This one is great-a sure reminder of how much I've accomplished during my swimming career, and how many great friends and support I've had along the way! 

 A little painting...hand tracing, doodling...writing 

One of my favorite quotes below: